Saturday, September 22, 2012

The amazing shrinking penis

Have you heard the latest scientific theory from the great mind of Rush Limbaugh? It seems that men's penises are shrinking, according to an Italian study on sexuality, and Rush knows why! It's those darn "feminazis"! They strike again. But listen to the master speak:
I have a story, it's from Philadelphia, CBS News, CBS Eyeball News. "If size matters, male private parts are shrinking, according to a new Italian study on sexuality. [...] The study’s leaders claim to have bona fide research that says the average size of a penis is roughly 10 percent smaller than it was 50 years ago." And the researchers say air pollution is why. Air pollution, global warming, has been shown to negatively impact penis size, say Italian researchers.
I don't buy this. I think it's feminism. If it's tied to the last 50 years, the average size of a member is 10% smaller in 50 years, it has to be the feminazis. I mean, the chickification, everything else. Give 'em time and they'll blame Bush. Give 'em time. But air pollution versus feminazis? Ha.
Wow! Who knew we had such power? I mean I'm still reeling from the recent discovery, thanks to that other great mind and authority on women, Todd Akin, that my ladyparts have a magic barrier which they can employ to reject any sperm from a rapist. Now I learn that simply by the power of my mind, by standing up for my rights as a human being, I can make men's penises shrink!

Now if women could only learn to employ these superpowers to actually shield themselves from rapists or other physical assaults, or even if they could use those powers to actually ensure that they are paid an equal wage for equal work, then we would truly be living in the age of Superwomen.

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