Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Newt explains it all

Serial adulterer and perpetual hypocrite Newt Gingrich is making noises about possibly running for president again. I don't think he will. I don't think he even wants to really. I think he just wants the notoriety that comes from having his name mentioned as a possible candidate and the financial benefits that accrue to one who claims to be considering the race. But if he did run, it would be particularly ugly because all that nasty stuff about his sexual history would become a hot topic once again.

Newt is on his third marriage and his method for finding new wives has been nothing if not consistent. He cheated on his first wife and divorced her while she was recovering from cancer surgery. He then married his mistress. He cheated on her with a young staffer as the second wife was being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. He divorced her* and married his mistress who is now his third wife.

So how does he justify all that? Well, you see, it was just because he is so passionate about this country and he was working so hard for it that "things happened." Funny, I thought things happened because he was so passionate about all those mistresses. Silly me!

This is what he actually told an interviewer on Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcast Network:

There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate. And what I can tell you is that when I did things that were wrong, I wasn’t trapped in situation ethics, I was doing things that were wrong, and yet, I was doing them. I found that I felt compelled to seek God’s forgiveness. Not God’s understanding, but God’s forgiveness. I do believe in a forgiving God. And I think most people, deep down in their hearts hope there’s a forgiving God. Somebody once said that when we’re young, we seek justice, but as we get older, we seek mercy. There’s something to that, I think.


So it all happened because he is just so darn patriotic and he felt compelled to spread that "patriotism" around as much as possible. (I would be interested to know which young staff member he's spreading it around to now.) But it's all okay because God forgives him. Funny how that works.

If I could offer two words of advice to the current Mrs. Gingrich, assuming she wants to remain the current Mrs. Gingrich, it would be these: Stay healthy. If you are diagnosed with a debilitating illness, you can expect the notice of divorce to be delivered post haste.

*He persuaded the Catholic Church to annul that second marriage so that he could marry his current wife who was and is a Catholic. Newt was not a Catholic at the time but promised to become one. Thus is the Catholic Church complicit in his adulteries, as indeed it is for many powerful men who are members, speaking of hypocrisy.

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