Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Will I have to self-deport?

It seems I may have to move after all. Texas, along with several other states, is petitioning the White House website to secede from the United States. Well, to be perfectly clear, it isn't Texas that is submitting the petition; it is about 64,000 particularly benighted Texans. And the truth is you could probably round up that many Texans to support most anything, and that is just another indictment of the educational system in this state.

This particular action has gotten attention because the White House website rules indicate that if a petition has more than 25,000 signatures it requires a response. Even though equally benighted citizens in other states have sent in such petitions, apparently there aren't as many of them as there are in Texas so they haven't reached the 25,000 threshold. Once again Texas stands alone in its specialness.

In this instance, even Rick Perry, who once floated the idea of secession, has distanced himself, releasing a statement to say that he "believes in the greatness of our Union and nothing should be done to change it." Well, I'm glad he cleared that up.

So, if Texas secedes , then I guess I will have to - in Mitt Romney's famous words - "self-deport" to a more congenial state, one that is perhaps not quite so ignorant of the benefits that a state receives from being a part of the United States and perhaps one that is less divided by racism. Because, yes, that is what is at the bottom of this. There are still white people in this country who cannot stand the thought that a majority of the voters have now elected a black president - TWICE!!! They are so filled with hate and fear that they cannot see past the ends of their own noses. I guarantee that most if not all of these petitioners are white. Moreover, I can further guarantee you that most of them are men.

Anyway, the 64,000 signatures represent just 0.2 percent of the population of Texas, so I'm thinking that rather than having the rest of us leave, a better solution - a much better solution - would be for these 64,000 to self-deport. Perhaps they could pool their resources and buy a desert island somewhere, so that they could set up their own government and be free at last. They can build their own highways, hospitals, and schools, train and support their own first responders and their own army, navy, and air force. That might prove difficult though since they don't believe in the concept of taxation.

These crazy Texans and all those crazy people from other states who think they want to secede are out of luck. As constitutional law professor Bill Funk points out, "It's not in the president's power under the Constitution to let a state secede. In fact, it's not clear whether anyone, even Congress, could let a state secede. It might, in fact, take a constitutional amendment."  And that constitutional amendment ain't gonna happen! The fact is, this question was settled back in the 1860s and all those cranky folks might as well get used to it.

But if they really, really can't stand the thought of having a black president, then again I say, self-deport yourselves! And don't let the door hit you on the backside on the way out.

And if you do somehow manage to secede, let me make one thing clear: You can't have my house and yard! If you can secede from the United States, then I can secede from Texas and become the proud and free State of Dorothy.  


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